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To The Editor

29 septembre 2018, 07:21

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The Olympos Chronicle can offer you a real scoop, as it has retrieved elements of the discussions on electoral reform after an epic infiltration through a plughole in the kitchen sink. Mind you, a wider and open consultation process might have been advisable, although not of the kind employed by Baby Doc. Sad to report, there was no enthusiasm for the ancient system of drawing lots, which has nothing to do with lotto winners or King Lot, who fled from the destruction of Sodom, during which his wife became a pillar of salt so that he had to commit incest to stop mortals and ancestral values dying out.

Everyone felt obliged to welcome the idea of forcing more women to stand in elections on the One in Three principal, although it beats an Ancient Greek how it’s more acceptable than saying a third must be Hindu. However, as one gay spark pointed out, these days people can change their gender at will, so some men could transgender, which would go down well amongst supporters of LGBT rights. Indeed, for total fairness, a third of men and a third of women could also have to declare themselves gay, lesbian or bisexual. That didn’t go down terribly well – nor did the spirited suggestion that, to raise the quality of Members of Parliament (MPs), all candidates should have to have at least an SC in Classical Greek.

The First Past The Post system is one the Chronicle readily understands, as only the winner in ancient games was ever feted. However, having three winners in each consistency allows parties to dump barrow loads of numskulls amongst their three, chosen on the basis of obscure credentials. I floated the idea that single-member constituencies would in itself force parties to choose candidates of some calibre, with appeal across tribal lines. I was told to grab another glass of spirits or get lost – although that was phrased in a more fragrant Kreol style.

By the way, the suggestions for proportional representation were a joke but unfortunately no-one has a sense of humour any more. It also seems that no-one anticipated the fuss about the Best Losers’ plan. As party leaders already choose all the candidates, they were expected to leap at the opportunity to acquire even more power. There was an alternative suggestion that the Best Loser system would become unnecessary if the population were drastically reduced, as Assad has been doing in Syria, by eliminating huge swathes of the majority grouping, thereby giving more space to minorities. It could also lead to closer relations with Russia, that model of how to conduct free and fair elections. Miss coldly threatened to karo kann him, unless he agreed to keep his mouth closed for at least a week.

There was concern that hoi polloi (lepep) might object to more MPs when most only carry out part-time work but a bright wag suggested that wages could be cut proportionally and there could even be 500 constituencies to ensure an equitable ethnic balance. MPs would then only need to be paid the minimum wage – or less. That produced uproar, despite his pointing out that it would need a new Assembly building, so the constructions sector would prosper, taking economic growth above 4% at last.

When I piped up to suggest that money could be saved by abolishing travelling allowances and duty-free cars, instead providing duty-free horses – sure to secure thousands of votes from racegoers and Turf Club members – I was told to Lalit-off, or words to that effect. However, as discussion has not been ruled out, the Chronicle feels that now is clearly the time for another round of cosy koz kozé – and for bringing in trading standards for plumbers to stop further leaks.