To the Attorney-General: The Hon Ravi Raj Yerrigadoo

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Mount Olympos is a trifle bemused by the indignation surrounding a possible Prosecution Commission, before full details had been announced. The current DDP was appointed by The Judicial and Legal Services Commission, without any objection from P’ti Doc, perhaps unsurprisingly. If the new review commission is appointed by the same body, how that equates with political interference is difficult to comprehend. It seems that the sickness of distorted statements, hitherto the domain of social media, has spread to eminent lawyers. The internet, however, does sometimes get its priorities right – headlining England’s victory over Germany in the World Marble Championships a few weeks back. So, despite Brexit, we know that all’s well in the real world.

The government deserves rather more comment for its continuing the tradition of interference in public sector appointments, airborne or otherwise – and many other areas which are equally none of its business, like District Council presidential elections. While we’re at it, we haven’t previously rapped you over the knuckles – it’s not yet banned in the spirit world – for your ill-considered trip to Italy, which did nothing to cement the case against the Lady in Red. That was after your dubious nocturnal activities in Quatre-Bornes. You deserve six of the best, and no per-diems.

To be fair, the Admirables are as convinced as you, rightly or wrongly, that P’ti Doc was very much involved in the Dufry duty-free scandal. As the DPP is undoubtedly impartial, it might suggest that the police produced a half-baked case, perhaps through an inability to obtain the necessary evidence. It couldn’t be because of political sympathies. After all their hard labour, it must have seemed very unjust. By the way Papa Doc does wish P’ti Doc would stop muttering about Papa and P’ti. Pluto reports that everyone in the Underworld thinks it refers to him – and he’s fed up with everyone laughing at him.

There’s a former minister who, unlike his fellows, had a dodgy reputation. Previously, he’d been a magistrate. You might discuss with the CJ, if that’s allowed, whether those in the judiciary, about whom even a soupcon of a doubt arises, could be invited to transfer their skills to the private sector, where they’ll be paid more. Officially. It’s useless waiting for the police to acquire evidence; by then it will be too late or swept under that magic carpet so beloved of some at the last elections.

Incidentally, shouldn’t our Pote stop wittering on about the government having no mandate beyond its electoral programme? Dear Paul knows perfectly well that a government has only one mandate, to govern. Unless he has access to crystal balls of hitherto undiscovered excellence, he’ll be aware that even Mme Coq is unable to prophecy accurately what’ll happen in the year ahead, let alone over five years.

You might also chat with the CJ about how to help reduce the lengthy delays before accused are brought to justice. The situation seems as ridiculous as ever, between interminable police investigations and lawyers who are too busy to attend or prepare their submissions on time. Cases are postponed – again and again. If depraved men were as dilatory, rape would have vanished long ago.

By the way, the recent supermoon was no accident. It shows that Silene is keeping a close eye on local affairs. After all justice needs not only to be done – but to be done on time. Perhaps it needs privatising.

Yours sincerely, Epi PHRON

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