Your annual dinner speech filled me with nostalgia, reminding me of bygone times when civic-minded men addressed the hordes in the agora. How many people nowadays dare speak les quatre vérités? I’m sure you’ll excuse my occasional French, but it comes naturally to me, especially just after the latest Francophone summit – even if that was an almost total disaster. Except for Mauritius, as the PM was able to make some useful contacts…

It’s nice that you didn’t express total despair. Mount Olympos is reeling with it, depressed by the growing signs of worldwide mortal insanity. We can overlook Brexit as Britons voters deserve the chaos coming their way after voting for they know not what – and their cavalier treatment of our dear old Sage. If they tried to treat their own OAPs the same way, the Elderly Brigade would be rioting in the streets. No, it’s the shadow of The Donald that most alarms us. It’s increasingly clear he’s going to be a loose cannon so we have to hope Mauritius doesn’t suffer from collateral damage – or friendly fire.

I daresay I’ve remarked before on the lack of honour amongst local leaders, epitomised by the MES Director’s failure to resign when caught in flagrant délit. She shouldn’t have been waiting for Miss to sack her. Mind you, Miss seems to have failed in that respect and, if she can’t handle such a cut-and-dried case, what hope is there for something difficult like educational reform? If Richard of the Valley is still on seat as well, caught red-handed while inebriated with cough mixture or whatever, with or without his pants down, small wonder I’ve been overdosing on ambrosia.

Meanwhile, it was delightful to hear someone suggesting that the annual wage hike is a lousy idea. Perhaps you should ask union leaders to a working breakfast one of these days for a session on Understanding Economic Reality – but be careful what you serve. Ripe tomatoes are best avoided. Isn’t it awful that, whatever the government decides, its opponents will argue it’s insufficient, even though it’s clear to anyone with an ounce of common sense that there should be no increase given the state of the public coffers and low inflation? There’s a mentality of happily living beyond one’s means, while things like mobile phones have become essential. What’s the betting the UN will soon declare their ownership a universal human right? Thrift is what’s needed so why not encourage the Government to set a good example by reducing per diems? It’s not that everyone wants to have their cake and eat it – they want to eat it when it’s still half-baked.

Despair again! When people serve the country well by shining in international circles or even just in Port Louis, rats pour from the drains to stab them in the back. I can tell you, even if they need to be cautious in choosing their associates, Mme La Présidente and Mr Anwar are going to figure high in Mount Olympos’ New Year’s Honours List. As for entrepreneurship, one of the few areas where it seems to be flourishing is in the import of drugs like heroin. Perhaps this results from the campaign to support SMEs although, given the sums involved, big business interests seem involved as well.

By the way, you say banks are solid, so why isn’t a bank deposit protection scheme yet in place while there’s so little risk?

Yours sincerely Epi Phron