There’s nothing like keeping your head down when missiles are flying all over the place, especially as finding a safe place ain’t all that easy. It’s all very well for me; I just perch on Mount Olympos. It’s about the only place in Greece nowadays, apart from Mount Athos, that hasn’t had to welcome refugees from war. Your dear KT doesn’t qualify so you can keep him. You may think you have problems but it’s nothing like the difficulties here.

Relatives can be a pain, especially when they occupy the front pages of papers hell-bent on uncovering – or inventing – scandals. KT’s hiding abroad isn’t all that clever as that’s a story in itself. It’s unbelievable that he hadn’t resigned from the FIU before he was revoked, as if everything would be swept under the carpet. Clearly the concept of resigning as a point of honour hasn’t yet become established here. Cronies seem stuck to their seats with super glue, fortunately not invented in my younger days. By the way, it’s from the family of cyanoacrylates, which may sound like ancient gods but are in fact strong fast-acting adhesives. Mind you, the Acting Emir surprised everyone by taking KT’ by the horns. Incidentally, was there anguille sous roche in all that?

It seems that “due to a personal predicament” he’ll only be back on Monday. Perhaps he’s been unable to afford a decent barber abroad as yet. Will the family be hiring a bus to meet him at the airport? I gather there’ll be quite a crowd to greet him. We can’t be blamed for our relatives, of course. One of mine is Momos1 but, as you’ll have noticed, I never have anything to do with him. Anyway, what’s needed here is rather more Arete2 and rather less Kakia3. Arete also represented valour and manliness. A lovely concept that, manliness represented by a female. I thought Kakia had been scheduled for a long break after the demise of the ancien regime but, like holes in the road, she seems to surface when you’re least expecting her, rather like the Neicia (I’ve been helpful enough – you can look them up for yourself).

New drains are useful – providing they’re maintained – but what you could also do, to distract attention from the delays in filling in Old Anil’s holes and investigating the associated cashbacks, are just a few simple things. It’s irritating to see roads wrecked by sleeping policemen, massive humps apparently designed to provide a steady income for importers of shock absorbers. If they can’t be got rid of, at least they could be reduced in height – and never used as crossings for pedestrians. Some are, some aren’t; it’s all too muddling. You could also ensure that all crossings are properly lit. Not that they’d help me. Rather like birds, I prefer total darkness at night – but not in the daytime. Apollo was furious at being eclipsed by the Moon; the Sage in particular will understand that better than most.

Abolishing speed cameras, and having to re-introduce them, might have taught you that populist measures aren’t always very sensible, so it beats me why in the Hades there can’t be more driving test failures than when corruption was rife – and why the costs of vehicle tests should be subsidised. A little logic’s a better way to win respect. It’s not as if transport owners need help from the Marshall Plan.

Yours sincerely, Epi Phron

1 Stinging criticism
2 Virtue
3 Moral badness