To The Minister of Foreign Affairs, the Hon. Seetenah Lutchmeenaraidoo

Avec le soutien de

The main rivalries in Classical Greece were between the city states, rather than between local leaders. Here and now, the rivalries are more of a tribal nature. Instead of a census of who is of what origin or belief, it might be more useful to subject everyone to a DNA test. Mind you, it could really put the Rams amongst the Ah Fats or the Tontas when it shows there’s more mixed blood in people than they care to imagine.

Leaders abroad are having a hard time, and not because of Viagra. Mutter Merkel’s slipped off her pedestal since inviting millions of foreigners to sample German beer – and then tried to palm them off onto the rest of Europe. Emmanuel’s reputation has taken a dive since his staffer tried roughing up demonstrators, something Mauritian bouncers do more effectively.

Mere Theresa’s still PM because no-onecould possibly unite her party over Europe. At least the local dynasties manage to hold their motley crews together, unlike the leader of British Labour, whose main achievement has been to replace the Tories as the nasty party. Jeremy, of course, considers himself an idealist but seems more like the Sea Green Incorruptible, who turned the French Revolution into a sea of blood.

Little, in fact, could be more bizarre than the situation in the Disunited Kingdom. The folly of Brexit becomes clearer by the day but few have the guts to say so. There’ve been Maypole dances all round Africa but the market for British goods there is minimal compared with Europe. The hard-liners have always preferred the Commonwealth to Europe, although their perspective is perhaps whiter than white. But national interests prevail and what country will want to get into a bed with a divorcee? Promises from the Donald won’t be worth the tweets they’re written on, India’s main wish would be to export some of its surplus population and China’s to secure world economic domination.

Despite all the turmoil, local leaders seem immutable despite the deficiencies they soeloquently display. Immutable, incidentally, is defined as “not subject or susceptible to change or variation in form or quality or nature.” The fringe parties haven’t brought forth new leaders either, only old wine in new bottles. By the way, which party will Madame Selvon join next or will she set herself up as yet another leader? But what to call the party? The only name not used recently is the Whigs.

Isn’t it time for your Ministry to do something? If Pote Paul were Foreign Minister, he’d have had a view on everything. After all, it’s abroad that important decisions are made. Brussels must be thinking by now of forcibly ejecting Britain from the EU so it might be the moment to send a pirogue-load of Chagossians to Diego while the DK’s attention is elsewhere – and before anyone shows the Donald where the archipelago is.

Presumably, you’re not attending the International Court, as you’re aware it only gives an advisory opinion rather than a ruling. The UK’s weak underbelly is the wrong done to the Chagos islanders rather than sovereignty. However, the media, social or otherwise, may be the best way of bringing this to the forefront as La Caverne’s starring role on the BBC’s main domestic channel has shown. Any chance of seeing you soon too, perhaps on Sky News?

Yours sincerely

Epi Phron

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