To the Chairman of the Commission of Inquiry on Drug Trafficking, Mr Paul Lam Shang Leen

Avec le soutien de

You seem to have found a new existence, rather like me, although it was years ago that I first appeared on the Greek scene. The Who’s Who of Greek Gods is rather vague on the exact date but my heyday was in the Golden Age, the time when wisdom and integrity were most prevalent, at least amongst philosophers and intellectuals. It’s comforting to discover that these values still occasionally prevail.

When the archivist of the Olympos Chronicle joined me recently for a dose of nectar, we tried to remember the last time we’d come across someone for whom we felt genuine respect. We also tried to delve back into your genealogy to see if you’re related to any of the immortals, although our search results in that respect were inconclusive.

Some must be asking whether anyone realised what a can of worms was being opened when you were appointed but this could be a win-win situation. If it emerges that politicos are surrounded by dodgy individuals, it will be an opportunity to dispense with the lot of them and for the Boss to convincingly present himself as an honest and visionary leader. Unlike newspapers, he can’t be accused of Hindubashing. He’ll be able to bring in new blood and ride triumphantly into the next elections. Or something like that. Indeed, the way things are going he may be trapped into doing the right thing. The party may suffer some collateral damage but there are times when a good pruning works wonders. Of course, if he hesitates all will be lost.

Meanwhile, if anyone dares lift a finger against you or your team, the Admirables will take to the streets in numbers not seen since Gaëtan’s funeral. And with your reputation, no-one’s going to dare to have a quiet word with you, asking you to take it easy on a particular Mr – or Mrs – Big. Actually, it’s probably time to advise the Mentor that he ought to clear out the police force of undesirable elements, which includes political lackeys, right now – or they’ll take years to compile incomplete cases against the accused.

Zeus could be asked to send thunderbolts to eliminate all the drug facilitators, the corrupt, the communalists and the incompetent from political circles, the civil and public sectors, the legal profession and throughout the “Disciplined” forces. Perhaps, instructions have already come from on high and that’s part of B plan. How wonderful life would become. It would mean some job losses – a terrifying idea for political dinosaurs – but also many job opportunities. Meanwhile, the commissioner of prisons, or his successor, should be planning to see if there are enough beds available to meet what is likely to be high seasonal demand.

By the way, in all the hoo-ha, don’t forget there’ll be no better way of putting drug dealers out of business than recommending the lifting of the ban on gandia and that users of hard drugs need to be treated as victims not criminals, and supported with officially supplied drugs until they’re clean. Prohibition has never worked as it offers too many black market opportunities. Thinking of which, has the Boss yet asked if you’d be prepared to sort out the Disciplined Forces Commission next? Mind you, he could have done with an irreproachable candidate in the forthcoming by-election but it’s now too late – and anyway you wouldn’t have had the time for all that nonsense.

Yours sincerely,

Epi PHRON

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