‘‘I always believe that in adversity always lie opportunity…”

Let’s Facebook it, apart from anything else, it’s time to sort out your grammar. Care has to be taken on social media. Not that the Internet is always insignifiant. In fact, Zeus has noticed that Epi occasionally appears on this rag’s website. He’s even muttering about digitalising Mount Olympos, although I doubt he really knows what that means, any more than those who talk about a digital economy. Still, my sources tell me He’s pleased to see more think-pieces in rags these days, a useful antidote to the usual twitter.

Anyway, I never take advantage of those passing through hard times. I like to concentrate on great expectations, helping leading figures stay on the straight and narrow – although that’s difficult when there as many loose cannons around here as in Aleppo. The secret is to concentrate on what you should be doing. After all, why the Hades  were you involved in the Cité venture in the first place? The same goes for your friend, the Emir of Gunners’ Point, announcing diplomatic appointments. Must ask Dr Anil if these are cases of Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He’s sure to know.

Of course, you were disadvantaged by a cushioned upbringing, taught to believe you were the cat’s whiskers. You might like to remember that cats may have nine lives – but they use them up with amazing speed. And cats do have that rather nauseous habit of licking their rectal regions. Whether their own or others, I don’t recommend it.

None of us can be blamed for our relatives – legal or otherwise – as one of your colleagues is doubtless thinking. Embarrassingly, I’m related to Petulantia and Styx (Hatred) but our paths rarely cross. Oh, how I wish more note was taken of my attempts to help; I muttered about lawyers and unexplained wealth yonks ago. Anyway, with more spare time on your hands, you could concentrate a bit on promoting good governance. Haven’t you and yours yet realised how popular you’d all be if you actually carried out your electoral promises? Even your most bitter opponents can be reduced to silence by appointments made on merit. That’s without mentioning transparent awards of contracts. It’s all so terribly easy if your only concern is for Lepep.

But who’s ever really cared about the Hoi Polloi? Since countries shook off the shackles of colonial rule, there’s now a new category of nouveaux riches instead. Not here, of course, but in the RSA the ANC leadership’s starting to make even former apartheid diehards appear paragons of virtue.

How about putting your drive and assumed intelligence to good effect? You could drag the Freedom of Information draft out of the State Law Office for a start and it would be sage to let a private TV channel see the light of day. And, as you’re responsible for reforming institutions, you could have a chat with your diver chum about rightsizing the public sector. As he’s also currently handling the Environment, garbage disposal there as well. Even Santaram’s noticed there’s a problem. Let’s also have some action on more powers for the Audit Office. In fact, there’s no end to what good you could do so I suggest you switch off your smart whatsits and swing into action. Meanwhile, I haven’t even mentioned Financial Services. Unlike me, I’m sure you could deal with them sans peur…

Lots of kisses,

Epi PHRON